Thursday, September 29, 2016


I don't have a post ready for today -- but this pretty much sums up what's rolling around in my head..........

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

More Authentic Me

I have had another revelation?? epiphany?? I don't know what to call it -- but I am doing the happy dance all over the place.

It started last spring when Angel talked me into trying on a size 14 sundress.  I have bought and worn size 14/16 all summer long and didn't see any difference.

I did know I had to buy new winter clothes cause last year's clothes were size 22 (yeah I have lost that much weight!) and literally fall off of me.  I have been reluctant to shop -- still struggling with sizing and my reflection.  

Then - I don't even really know when it happened - but I saw an indent where my waist is... I felt hip bones I didn't even know I had.  And just like that size 14/16 meant something!

I ordered some winter clothes yesterday -- and did a happy dance all day long........ 



and under this one -- these leggings

and for anyone interested -- the voices didn't say a word -- not one word!

Tuesday, September 27, 2016


I have been working on those inner voices for a long time.... but ya know -- there was something oddly comforting about them.  They have been around for a long time.  And for the most part they weren't interfering with my every day life.  Oh they did hold me back from finding the 'real' me.......but as I said in an odd way they were comforting.

But then Hands challenged me about the labels these voices have put on me.  Challenged may not be the right word -- He certainly made me sit back and think seriously and if he could see the effect of the voices and their labels -- then they were most definitely affecting my every day life.

Over the next few days I kept 'talking' to myself about the labels that the voices whisper ...... especially on the drive to Montreal when I had 3 uninterrupted hours of think time.  I could almost feel the solution -- it was right there ya know - just out of reach -- but it was there.

Then shock shock I read something over on FL that clicked the button -- and the solution was mine!
Sounds easy right?? yeah I was doubtful that it could be that easy....... but I rolled some of the labels around in my head -- nothing -- no voices not a sound.

On Sunday and again yesterday I tried one of the labels out loud -- for real -- and nothing -- no voice -- no bad feelings...... nada zilch nothing!

What an excellent feeling!  free from the labels my voices whispered.

There's still work to do -- but the labels are gone and that is a very good thing!

Monday, September 26, 2016

Best Laid Plans

Drove to visit the grandkids on Friday -- and had plans to take middle grandson out for a "hot date" with grandma for his birthday -- a shopping trip and lunch -- had to be poutine!

Well we got some tshirts picked out that he loved -- and were trying on plaid long sleeved shirts when he went as white as a ghost and said "I don't feel well - I think I am gonna throw up" ... I had just enough time to grab a garbage can.  

Thus ended our "hot date".  Grandson has a rain date for another lunch date for poutine with Grandma.

I was back home here in Kingston by late afternoon -- and started getting food prepared for the BDSM family picnic on Sunday noon.

By 11:30 Sunday morning I had the car packed up with food and picnic supplies and was back on the road heading west.  The weather cooperated in that it wasn't raining -- but dear lord it was cold!!

By the time I had found the picnic spot -- unloaded the car -- helped set up the area -- I just wanted a nap.  What fun I was!!  I did get to visit with Hands and his family -- and the others who came out -- and then it was time to load up the car and head east down the highway again.

I got home exhausted.  On the drive home I started to really - seriously - consider it might be time to move.  Most of my friends/social life is one hour west of me....... 

Maybe it's time to consider a Plan B -- or is it Plan K by now??? One thing I DO know -- today's plan is for a quiet day -- time to re-examine -- rest -- and recharge.


Friday, September 23, 2016

Small Trip

I am leaving for Montreal today -- got a hot date with my middle grandson on Saturday.  It's his birthday.

I'll be 'flying' back on Saturday evening to get prepared for a picnic I volunteered to help organise for Sunday. 

So forgive me if I am AWOL till next week -- I'll be back though ....... I always come back