Monday, March 27, 2017

Missing






Well I finished my last re-certification course and despite my high anxiety over the testing I passed with flying colours.

When I got home -- like usual -- I had way too much time on my hands.  I went to Fetlife and did some browsing...... folks were talking about a munch they all attended on Friday night and I felt a tug on my heart strings.  I miss the friends I have made over the last 3 years....... and I know my time with them all is fast coming to an end.  I need to be with Sir Steve -- I need to be closer to my children -- but it doesn't mean I am not gonna miss my friends who are like family - ya know?

Maybe some of it is -- circumstances have kept Sir Steve and I in the vanilla world too long.  I am missing being with like minded folks.  Maybe it's time I start looking for some parties to go to ...... maybe even a munch or two back in my old stamping grounds of Montreal....... 

Today I am headed back to Cornwall to be with Sir Steve when he sees the surgeon for his post op appointment.  I have taken this week off work as well -- one last week of being together 24/7 then back to the norm............ 

Life is good -- even with the small glitches.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Weird Feelings






Sooooooooooo I came back to Kingston yesterday because I have one more re-certification class to take this weekend.  AND I got bored last night -- so I was browsing through friend's profiles on FB -- rechecking their pictures etc.......... and something made me go to Sir Steve's ex's pictures.

Have you ever gone and looked at an ex's pictures / read their page (on whatever website)??? It's weird to see the happiness that was and is no more.  

I don't know why -- but I went through their wedding pictures .......... stupid mistake... it made me feel sad ya know -- that their love didn't last 
 
I thought my life was settled 4 years ago when I moved here with W -- thought it would be happily ever after...... when I look back on my pictures I feel incredibly sad .. kinda like I felt after looking at Sir Steve's pics

I don't honestly know where I am going with this thought process -- something about taking the risk to love again after you've been hurt....... that it's worth the risk of a broken heart to feel that love -- even if it's only for a short while........ that there's nothing more precious or wonderful than feeling loved and cherished and valued and something about the world being a little darker if  there was no love............  

Thursday, March 23, 2017

SUPER NURSE!!

I couldn't jump over buildings in one leap 

I couldn't fight super villains

I couldn't fly 

BUT I did my best super nurse impressions -- making meals -- fetching coffee -- wiggling his toes -- and bringing him his pills.

This morning my patient declared he was walking his daughter to the bus -- so he crammed his foot into his shoe -- put on his hat and coat -- and limped off to the bus stop with her.

Me thinks my work here is done!!

Tomorrow I will return home -- get things up to date there -- take a First Aid course all weekend (the last - thank god - of my re-certifications needed to work here) and spend some alone time in my apartment.

Monday I will come back -- not as super nurse -- more as nosy girlfriend - 'cause he has an appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday morning -- and I really want to know how the surgery went -- what restrictions he has if any -- and just be there for him ya know -- 'cause I'm like that when I care for someone.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Jealousy Strikes



 With Sir Steve laid up with a gimpy foot -- it has given me lots of time to think.  I pride myself on being understanding and accepting of other people's feelings... and in return I expect the same understanding.

When relationships end -- and sometimes as they are ending -- jealousy rears it's nasty head.  It's not a pretty emotion.  It is a black hole that just swallows you up -- forget green eyed monster.  

Every new relationship comes with a mess of 'extra characters' -- it's certainly not a 'one man show' so to speak.  And the more 'characters' involved the more chance of jealousy showing up like an uninvited guest to a dinner party.

We are dealing with some jealousy .......... despite all our efforts to prevent it.  Sometimes it just can't be helped ya know??

There's been a fair amount of whining and acting out.  
There has been a fair amount of pushing me out of the way. 
There's even been some foot stamping.......... 

I suggested to Sir Steve that some extra attention and loving might be in order... 
I have been stepping back to make sure there was room for snuggling........ 

And slowly but surely I think things are turning around............  the jealous one is Lady ... Sir Steve's black lab -- it has been funny watching her push between us -- whine and yes even stamp her feet from time to time....... who knew a family pet would become jealous of the 'other woman'  ??? (grinning)