Monday, October 24, 2016
That was my Sunday......... hiding under my blanket and not wanting to come out.......
because I felt like I had made a total mess of things.
It probably didn't help that I did not sleep at all on Saturday night and that I tried to explain my muddled thoughts by email ........ (kinda like writing an email when drunk)....... or that I couldn't just shut up (the not shutting up was probably the worst)
In the end Hands and CG got to do what they needed to do......which is a very good thing!
But I failed miserably in saying that I really appreciated the effort that Hands made to try and please me - make me happy. I am lucky that there is always next time and there are such things as imaginary 'reset' buttons.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Remember the red nail polish I bought this week in hopes of going to a play party this weekend?? Well yesterday unfortunately those plans got cancelled.
And I was disappointed.
When Hands was talking to me yesterday about the weekend and other things He gave me two tasks to complete by the end of the day.
But my disappointment was stronger than my desire to do my tasks. So I thought I would just ask him to cut me some slack.
Funny thing happened when that topic came up...... I was told to complete my tasks by the end of the day... pointe finale. No other Dom/Top has ever stood their ground with me before. I have always counted on getting my own way -- batting my baby blues and getting my own way.
But not with Hands.
For the first time in my submissive life I discovered the meaning of doing something you definitely do not want to do -- have no desire to do.
The tasks got done by the end of the day. And I felt content and happy and funny enough I felt grounded and cared for........because Hands didn't cut me any slack.
Friday, October 21, 2016
It's that time of year when memories seem to haunt my waking hours.
I was "daddy's little girl".
On my father's chest of drawers in my parent's bedroom was a picture of me taken at my grandparent's cottage. When my father died my mother wanted me take something of his as a tangible memory. The only thing I wanted was that picture....it has sat on my chest of drawers since his death.
There was a reason I wanted that picture to remember my father -- it was to me a symbol of what our relationship was.........
You see -- I had been playing on the beach with my cousins when my grandfather rounded everyone up to go down the road to the ice cream shop. My father wouldn't let me go in my swimsuit -- he insisted my mother change me out of my swimsuit. AND then, as my grandfather and my cousins disappeared down the road, my father insisted on taking a photograph of his "little girl". I didn't want to stand still and 'smile'. I wanted to go for ice cream. I cried. BUT my father always got what he wanted -- so he got his picture of me with a tear stained face.
That picture symbolizes my relationship with my father in so many ways. It wasn't the healthiest of relationships not by any standard....... but I have been remembering the good things about our relationship. He was my rock... he kept me grounded... he was always there for me........ always no matter what.
They say that the relationship a daughter has with her father is the bench mark for her in finding a "forever man". (well that's what they say-- shrug) I never found anyone like my father -- never found my rock -- never found anyone who would always be there for me.
My father died a few days after my birthday over 30 years ago. And my birthday is fast approaching.... maybe that's why my father is in my thoughts and tugging at my heart.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Wellllllll my 'tomorrow' arrived -- yesterday.
My body was back to normal -- my mind was bright and clear.
I went shopping in the afternoon and spent forever looking for ........... wait for it...........
Christmas gifts .. even found a couple!!
I even handled the notification that they have moved my cancer retest up by a month with hardly a flutter.
Oh yeah -- and I was cheeky with Hands -- though HE called it 'bratty' but everyone knows I am NOT a brat (devilish grin)
Yesterday WAS a good day!